Today is my birthday. I am 18 years old today. When I think back to when I was 17, 16, 15, 14 and even 10, I don’t think I imaged my life how it is now. I think I expected to have a blast tonight. I expected a whole lot more of myself for my life. I expected to have great friends who are there for me just as much I’ve been there for them. I expected to have a family that finally acts like a family. I expected to be completely happy with my life. Instead, I’m a heartbroken wreck who has no one to turn to. Sure yes friends will be there, but only when they want to be. Not like how I would stay up all night with them, comforting them, not like how I would walk to their house late at night because they needed a shoulder to cry on. No, I don’t get that, I get a simple phone call that is rushed. I have to hide my sadness most of the time because I don’t want to down their mood. Why don’t I just say fuck it? Well I’m not that kind of person, I’m someone who keeps giving and endures the bite from the creature I feed. I don’t like the fly off the wall and tell people that I’m sick of being mistreated. I’m tired of only getting to really hang out with my bestfriend when I am going to give her a ride home. I’m tired of getting the cold shoulder when I really can’t drive her home; I’m tired of being used. As tired as I am though, I’ll still endure it because I will be made to look like and feel like the bad person for stating how I feel about it all. Just like today, I’ll still be heart broken tomorrow, I’ll still have the same shitty friends, and I’ll still take it all like the bitch I am to society. Everything is still the same as yesterday, everything is still the same today, and nothing will have changed by tomorrow. The never ending cycle of my life.
